Kit Mann, my assistant, was arrested and 40 cuts of beef on the bone confiscated. It transpired the chairman, Sir Hirem Firem, had been left with a load of meat at his farm when the ban came in.So it’s Bernard Matthews Turkeyburgers for Xmas unless we can strike a deal with Tesco for whatever passes the sell-by date on the day.At least we’ve got the Christmas record sorted out. Two minutes later the fight was over and two bloodied, bruised and cowed teams were sent back to the fray with instructions to “behave or we’ll see you after the game”.At least the experiment worked and persuaded one of the lads to change his approach to life. In the scrum I managed to work my way into a corner from where I lashed out with a flag wrestled from a linesman. Unfortunately some emergency lights came on just as I stabbed the ref in the unmentionables.

He gave me a terrible glare before passing out.
Fortunately, he was unable to take further part that day, the linesman, after a nervous look at his blood-stained flag, took over. Unfortunately, the ref made a complete recovery so he was able to return and, in the five years before he retired he sent me off seven times.Lights or not that fight could have gone on for ever but the St John’s Ambulance turned up. This would not normally make any difference but, as part of a typical peace ‘n’ love late Sixties experiment the old boys with bottle-top glasses were being assisted by four lags from the local nick who were serving time for GBH. With that famous body swerve which became my trademark I sold him a dummy only for his own manager to be spiked in the ribs. Next thing someone smashed the lights and all hell broke loose.

A lot of papers mentioned that famous match between Everton and Leeds when the ref took the teams off for a cooling-off period but they all forgot about a similar match the previous year when I was playing for Rovers at a certain northern ground. With that Everton-Leeds game everyone calmed down but on this occasion it got worse. There was a bit of jostling in the tunnel and suddenly Wild Percy Pickaxe was lunging at me with the groundsman’s scarifier. Last Saturday’s dust-up at Stamford Bridge brought back a few memories at the Blackfarm Rovers ex-players’ Christmas party last week. As Ker admits, it was not something the 66-times capped centre readily agreed to.”I think he would prefer to play centre, where he still sees himself higher up,”the coach said.”He is playing at full-back for us through necessity at the moment, with Colin Begg injured and Andrew Drought having gone back to Wales for the holidays. But Scott being Scott will do it to the best of his ability.”Last year’s runners-up may not be able to call on captain Grant McKelvey for a further eight weeks, after the hooker underwent a scan this week on the Achilles tendon problem that forced him out of Scotland’s match against South Africa.. His experience alone would be invaluable to them – it just depends what they are looking for.”There is no doubt he has still got as much enthusiasm as he had 10 years ago.”Whether that enthusiasm extends to making the switch permanent is unclear, however.